I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
