remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Text me some of your sweat
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