I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize