did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
