i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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