the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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