Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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