She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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