Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm passing your future prison.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
