Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Welp...herpes.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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