big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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