You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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