you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
