Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
