So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
