I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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