I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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