Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize