im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
