fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You've changed since you got that strap on
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
