I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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