He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
