He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
