Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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