so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
