I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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