____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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