Dual....:-)
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
