i think my tv is drunk
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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