She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
