She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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