My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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