bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
