haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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