I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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