Duck Duck Cougar?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
