....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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