I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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