he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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