My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
