why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
