I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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