hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Me too!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
