God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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