; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
