3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i think my tv is drunk
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dignity is for republicans.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You made out with two different species that night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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