If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
