Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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