I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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