True but thats because hes a fetus.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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