i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
