that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize