you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
