I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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