Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
