I got chris browned last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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