i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
