conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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