i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
