I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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