my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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